September 13, 2015

Scattered by water

*clock ticking*
Cold feet and cold hands, chills running through my body with my mind time travelling, back and forth to the good times, and to the bad times.
I feel numb, so does my brain and heart. The blood is flowing but not quite right. It feels ages since I had a real smile on my face. It feels ages since I laughed from the stomach. Change is constant. Change is huge, it leaves an imprint. It leaves you with no bounds, with no perfection. It makes you so weak, you wish you were never alive. It makes you so strong, you know you will survive.

If it was not for him, it would never have been me. If he was mine, I would always have been me. When the clock ticks, I feel so hollow. I have never been so fragile, never so devastated, never so unsure and never so unhappy. All I have ever wished for, is a piece of peace which brings a smile on my face and no matter what, stays strong and evolves to be stronger. When my problems seem huge to me, I look at much bigger problems to make myself feel better, but when I look down again, I can't stand on my feet. They shiver. They shiver with a fear of standing up again and falling down again, and the next time even more harder than they ever have.

When I turn to page 1, it seems like yesterday and as I go ahead, the pages appear burnt, I can't see, its all blurred. Only if my tears could stop the burning, I would cry to my death for all I want is to have a little bit of perfection in my life which appears like scattered pieces of glass. So uneven, so unequal, so unbalanced, which does not form a pattern and when you walk on it, it pricks, it bleeds, it leaves wounds which never heal.

I want to be bulletproof, I want to be so unreal that I never face this again, I don't repeat this again and never fall in love again. For once, I used to think love leaves a greater impact than hate but it seems I have been wrong all this time. But don't worry, I am, going to be bulletproof.


  1. Every now and then, I somehow keep coming back to this blog. It's good to see you've still continued writing :)

    1. It feels good to know that, Soham. Though this blog is quite self centered, I do like writing it. :)